There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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