i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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