Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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