My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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