Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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