i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
