The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
