Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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