Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
