so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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