I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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