Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
