I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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