Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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