I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
