i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
