yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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