help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
