Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
