tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
