I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
