I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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