There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
