I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
