we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
