Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
