I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
