Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize