Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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