you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
