It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
