if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
another moral hangover. fuck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
