I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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