The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
