They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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