just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
