just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
