Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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