My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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