I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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