You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
