Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
