U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
