But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
