1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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