your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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