so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
