wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
