Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
