And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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