apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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