the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
