My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
