great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
