he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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