I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
