hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
