All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
