we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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