im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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