wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
