I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize