You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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