I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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