there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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