i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
