Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
