Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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