Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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