One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
