just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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