I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
