You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
