I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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