i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My liver just broke up with me...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
