chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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