Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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