they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
