Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
