Don't you send me to vm
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
