i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
